Monday, February 11, 2013

Will the Next Pope be from Pittsburgh?

As everyone now knows, Pope Benedict is stepping down as Pope.  This presents a unique opportunity for Pittsburgh.

Currently, Pittsburgh has produced more Cardinals eligible to vote for the next Pope than any other American city.  Cardinal Donald Wuerl, Archbishop of Washington, is from Mount Washington.  Cardinal Daniel DiNardo, Archbishop of Galveston-Houston, grew up in Castle Shannon and attended St. Ann's.  Cardinal Adam Maida, retired Archbishop of Detroit, is a native of East Vandergrift and attended Scott Township High School.  Cardinal Sean O'Malley, Archbishop of Boston, grew up in Whitehall.

If these Cardinals decide to vote as a single Pittsburgh block,  I think we could get someone in there who could really help the city.  Only 121 Cardinals are eligible to vote, and their loyalties will be scattered across the globe.  I doubt that any other city will be able to garner as many as four votes.  If our four Cardinals could agree on one candidate and come up with some persuasive arguments, I think we'd have a good chance of getting our man in.

And here's the thing:  you don't have to be a Cardinal to be elected Pope, you don't even have to be a priest or a Bishop (although whoever gets the nod is elevated to bishop before becoming Pope).  You don't even have to be Catholic -- or Christian for that matter -- as long as you agree to get baptized before being installed as Pope.

I'm thinking either Mario Lemieux -- if he save hockey in Pittsburgh, he could certainly save the Catholic church -- or Troy Polamalu.  Lemieux clearly has mangement ability.  And, Polamalu's spirituality is well known.  He has studied Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, Mormonism, Roman Catholicism, Islam and Eastern Orthodoxy, and learned Hebrew and Greek so he could understand the texts as originally written.  His  pilgrimage to Mount Athos, a Greek Orthodox spiritual center in Greece, inspired his book, “Counsels From the Holy Mountain.”  

There may be other Pittsburghers who are worthy to be Pope.  I suggest writing to our Cardinals right away.

Cardinal Sean O'Malley of Whitehall.

Mount Athos


James R said...

Earlier today I suggested mother, but was laughed at by the care giver. Now that I learned you needn't be a priest, I may suggest it again.

Big Myk said...

Unfortunately, as wide open as the field is for eligible candidates for the papacy, it doesn't include women. Being Christian is not a requirment, but being male is.

James R said...

So you saying, although she would be assured of the increasing powerful women vote, that doesn't help?

Anonymous said...

What about Pope Joan in the Middle ages??

Peter H of Lebo said...

Joan being fictitious may invalidate her precedent, but then again, Catholics don't mind embracing a good story.

Big Myk said...

Fictitious is a rather inflexible term. While most historians dismiss her as myth, as early as the 11th century, Martinus Scotus, a monk from the Abbey of St. Martin of Cologne, wrote: “In AD 854, Lotharii 14, Joanna, a woman, succeeded Leo, and reigned two years, five months, and four days.” But nobody knows for sure.

In any event, that there may have been a popess doesn't prove that the church finds women to be acceptable candidates for Pope. According to legends, Joan was disguised as a man, and was discovered only after she gave birth.

Peter H of Lebo said...

That's incorrect (as far as my five minutes of research goes-I only found your quote on atheist entry in, Martinus Scotus original work did not mention any pope Joan.

First mention was Dominican chronicler Jean de Mailly (mid-13th). Here's the book page number(Archiv der Gesellschaft fur altere deutsche Geschichte, xii, 17 sq., 469 sq.) from whom another Dominican, Etienne de Bourbon (d. 1261), adopted the tale into his work on the "Seven Gifts of the Holy Ghost."

The account of the alleged popess is placed about the year 1100, and no name is yet assigned her.

It is not until the third rendition of Martin of Troppau's (d. 1276) work that Johanna (joan) is mentioned. So Joan is mentioned nearly 400 years after the supposed event for the first time.

Martinus Scotus later transcribed work did have a joan but this was far after Troppau's work.

Also her supposed reign from 854-856/7, neither 854 nor 1100 have time to fit in the popess reign. 854 would be closest with the death of Leo IV on July 17, 855. The election of Benedict III immediately followed with delayed consecration of Benedict III on Sept 29, 855 because of the antipope. Coins have both the face of Emperor Lothair and Benedict and Lothair died 28 of September 855, also Benedict issue a charter for Abbey of Corvey on October 7, 855. So not sure when the popess was suppose to reign.

Finally, the nail in the coffin she was discovered after giving birth. While, dudes are dumb, they couldn't possible believe that a pope can grow a beer gut, breasts, have weird food cravings, needs to pee all the time all in a 9 month period without getting suspicious.

This is just like every story in Catholic literature-moral of the story, women are deceiving horrible creatures that have been leading us men astray ever since that damn apple. Maybe that can be worked into a Valentine's Card.

Big Myk said...

Well, I only know what I read on the internet. Pope Joan, La Popessa, Pope Joan