Sometimes I think Jon Stewart has the easiest job in the world—make comedy out of the news. My favorite today is the breaking spy ring story.
Here are a couple of excerpts from FBI agent Maria Ricci:
In Forest Hills train station in Pennsylvania,
"[They] converged on a staircase, carrying all-but identical orange bags. Toward the middle of the stairs, as they passed one another, Metsos quickly handed Russian government offical his orange bag and the Russian government official quickly handed Metsos his orange bag," Ricci writes. "Metsos then continued ascending the stairs and Russian Government official continued descending the stairs."Ricci said the orange bag contained money.
Here's another passage,
The two women would identifyeach other with the following exchange: "Excuse me, but haven't we met in California last summer?" "No, I think it was The Hamptons".
Afterwards, Chapman would go to a public city map and stick a postage stamp on its margin. That sign, the FBI agent told Chapman, would show her handler that the meeting had gone well.
Clearly, these purported Russian 'spies' have watched too many American movies from the late 30's. It reminds me of those anachronistic groups where everyone dresses up in medieval costumes to bop each other with maces while saying "Whilst" and "Thou."
Do the Russian taxpayers know their government is paying people to gather cultural and political information in this manner?
Do the U.S. taxpayers know their government is paying people to gather evidence against these people?
Well, now they do…so stop wasting our tax money! Normally we call these people lobbyists. I guess the crime was they did not register as such.
6 comments:
This sounds like the most amazing job ever. I wish the government would hire me to do this. Maybe give me a nifty code name and a secret pistol holster. I think if everyone felt like their jobs were as important and fun as a spies people's satisfaction with their lives would be at an all time high. I propose then that the government hire everyone to pass along information and messages. We will work everyday (except sundays... thats just a given) bringing our secret seal messages from home to home, donning special uniforms and disguises. We will have a creed for how relentless we are at getting our messages to their recipients. We will call it the United Parliament of Spies or to the layman UPS.
That sounds like the beginnings of a great science fiction story: everyone is a spy, only no one knows everyone is a spy and all work for the government. What better way to police your country? (That's all I have so far, this will take a little more thought)
G.K. Chesterton gave it a little more thought and wrote the story: "The Man Who Was Thursday." I haven't read it in a long time, but when I did it became one of my favorites. (However, it is detective, rather than science fiction.)
Actually, as Myk would say, "The Man Who Was Thursday" became part of the Harvey canon. I would highly recommend it. It has action, intrigue, and elephants, as I recall…and, of course, philosphy.
Interesting - I'll check it out
A glimmer of reasonableness ended the silly spy saga as Russia and the U.S. exchanged unregistered government employed lobbyists, aka 'spies.' I wonder if all parties are happy about going 'home?' It certainly beats living in jail without your children.
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